In the words of a very good friend of mine "People today are Zombies"...
This evening a friend of mine and I were discussing the topic of "Sappiness." I explained that years ago I was a very sappy person, often telling people how I felt about them in a very straight-forward manner. In the past few years, since my heart was last broken, I have found sappiness as a turn-off. Any time a man would express his feelings for me in a sappy way, I would suddenly become distant from him. I think this was mainly because I felt that these men were being insincere. Does that show a lack of self-esteem? Have I just been putting up a wall as to not get hurt again? Or is it merely that it has been three years since I have felt something true toward a man? If I had felt the same way, would I still have been turned off?
Recently, I put myself out there again. I resorted to my method of complete honestly, only to feel afterword that I had done something wrong. I remember apologzing to a kid I liked in highschool once for giving him a letter telling him how much I liked him. His response was "Why are you apologizing? You shouldn't apologize for that." And he was right.
We live in this world where if a guy that we like sends us flowers we say "Oh, he's so sweet!" But if a guy we don't like sends us flowers we label him a stalker. I know I've ranted about the definition of stalking before, I just have no idea in what context. For all I know this entire blog is a repeat of a blog of history past.
Why do we chastise people for being honest, for sharing their emotions? We're all guilty of doing this, as we are all guilty of being the one sharing our emotions (or most of us anyway.) As my friend pointed out, you see it everywhere. She was at a concert the other night and was singing along freely, enjoying herself. She looked around her and realized that she was alone, the rest of the crowd stood motionless- Zombies.
There is a stigma toward emotion today, that if you show it you are in some way odd, or too open with your feelings. What will we become if we continue to bury our feelings deeper within ourselves? We will become Troy Dyer, from the film Reality Bites- so afraid to show his true emotions that he almost lost the one thing he felt true emotion for.... But even Troy came around in the end, standing emotionally naked and volunerable.
As my friend said, in order to truly feel you must be volunerable. I've sheltered myself from volunerability for quite some time now, but I think something has broken through that barrier. Once the wall is torn down, it may be very hard to reconstruct. The question is, do I want to reconstruct it? The answer- no.
I want to feel. I want to live.
If you love someone, tell them you love them.
If someone has hurt you, tell them they've hurt you.
If someone tells you it's inattractive to wear your emotions on your sleeve, tell them they're a coward.
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